I always admire my horses for their ability to give their love freely. Unlike people they have no sense of obligation and no expectation of reciprocation. They always seem to be tuned in to their inner self, listening instinctively to what the voice is telling them.   

Before I had my horses, I used to think of self-love as being selfish and self-centered. I grew up in a big family in Germany and back then I was taught at an early age that people who appeared to love themselves were shallow and materialistic and always looked out for themselves, not others. They were made fun of while it was said of them “the donkey always names himself first.” On the other hand, I used to confuse self-love with pleasing others by always trying to do the right thing so they would like you, which sometimes can lead to a lot of unhappiness and even can cause health issues like stress, sleeplessness, depression, anger, or weight gain.  

After having my horses for some time, I discovered their way of expressing self-love has nothing to do with being selfish as I was taught and used to believe when I was growing up, nor do they try to please anybody. All they are is love energy, and because that’s all they are, it is all they can give away to others. In order to effectively train horses, you need to understand this idea.   

From my horses and various experiences in life I learned the real meaning of self-love as unconditional appreciation and acceptance of oneself, and therefore of others too, no matter what. Over the years I learned to take ownership of my inner voice and the things it was telling me. We should give ourselves the same love and freedom we give others, and vice versa. All we need to do to reach this point is take the time to reconnect with our inner feelings. If we don’t take this time to fulfill ourselves, then we have nothing to give to others. We cannot give away what we don’t have. If our hearts are filled with love and happiness, then that is what we can give to others. 

I’ve learned a lot from my horses. I started to listen to myself and pay attention to my thoughts, and realized a lot of the thoughts I was thinking over and over again had been with me for most of my life. I had just not been paying attention to them. I was shocked by some of the thoughts I had been thinking and saying to myself, especially negative ones that sometimes became strongly held beliefs and then later even self-fulfilled prophecies. What was I telling myself when I failed at something? Was I still loving and caring for myself in such a moment? The answer was usually no. But my horses never criticize themselves and I don’t think they even know what failure means. If something doesn’t work out, then they go on to the next thing. 

When I watch my horses at liberty in the open fields I realize that the love I am talking about is our highest self expressing itself in a form of freedom, freedom to follow our purpose to live a happy and fulfilled life. It is very important to embrace and not ignore our own inner feelings that will help us find balance and follow our calling. If our hearts are heavy, overburdened, empty or feeling worn out, we need to take the time to turn inward to recharge ourselves and the internal battery we call our soul. When I spend time with my horses and watch them run free in their pasture, they help me tune in to myself with love and respect and they recharge my soul. I know that they know what self-love is because of the way they express themselves and hold their bodies alertly and heads high. I can feel how much they cherish their freedom just to be horses! Horses don’t worry about being selfish; they just do what comes naturally and live life to its fullest. 

I am a very big part of my horses’ lives and take the responsibility for making sure that they have everything they need day to day so they can continue to live the life they were born to live. The greatest gift I receive back from my horses is the reflection of their self-love back to me in the form of their unconditional love for life itself. If I succeed at anything, then I feel good about it, and if I fail at something, I let it go at once, and try to learn to do better, just like my horses do. If my thoughts sometimes shift to feelings of failure or not being good enough, I get rid of those thoughts because I know my horses could not possibly have such thoughts. 

Karin Matey is the author of ‘Sebastian’s Adventures: ‘Diary of a Champion’ ‘My American Horse Family’. and ‘Horse Dreams: ‘Horsemanship with Heart’  For more information, please visit her web site at www.karinmateybooks.com or contact her by email: karinmatey@outlook.com